Men are like wild horses: they scare easy.
1. Insta-Coupling
Women
often say that men are scared of commitment. Newsflash: they’re not.
What they’re scared of is commitment too soon, and “too soon” simply
means “before he’s thought of it himself”. You can’t be the one leading
the way when it comes to anything like spending more time together,
becoming exclusive, moving in or getting married. All you can do is set
your own personal time-limit and then quietly leave when it’s time to
get out.
This starts right from the beginning. When you meet a new
man, never make the mistake of letting him feel you have a
boyfriend-shaped vacancy in your life that he can just hop straight
into. Don’t start calling to say, “Hello” and “Good night” every day, or
immediately start inviting him along to all your plans. It’s not
flattering to him, he wants to feel he’s having to win you over by his
sheer amazingness. Let him feel your life is full and fulfilling already
– and if it’s not, slap yourself and go get busy -- and that he has to
create a boyfriend vacancy by himself, by thinking of ways to please
you.
2. Insecurity
The first three months
of a relationship should be easy and fun, happy and light-hearted. It’s
not the time to tell him your thighs are completely different sizes,
you’ve always hated your hands and that you can’t get through a day at
work without crying. We’re all insecure but your boyfriend is not the
place to seek comfort and reassurance in the early stages. To understand
this, you have to realise that men and women bond in different ways.
Men only tell problems to one another when they’re looking for solutions
– we do it as a way to break the ice. If you confess everything you
secretly dislike about yourself to a new man, he’ll assume you’re
wanting him to “fix” it all, and feel overwhelmed. He’ll start thinking,
“Wow – this girl seems to have a lot of stuff going on at the moment. I
can’t cope with all this, I have my stuff too.” Instead, act as if you
truly like yourself.
3. Be too nice
“Whatever
you want!” “I don’t mind which film we watch!” “I’ll have what you’re
having!” When a woman really likes a man, she sometimes stops voicing
her opinions and begins blending into his world as much as she can, to
keep his approval. (This often happens after nookie.) Instead of being
the sassy, independent-thinker her man originally fell in love with, the
girl begins to turn away from everything she likes, and turn towards
his interests instead. She swaps her TV dramas for his sports shows,
wears the clothes he likes her in and forgets all her hobbies because HE
has become her main hobby. Attractive? So, so not. Turning yourself
into his Mini-Me will take all the fun out of the relationship. You’ll
lose confidence, stop pursuing your goals and he’ll start distrusting
you – if he doesn’t know when you’re unhappy, he won’t know when you’re
happy. Keep your spicy edge. If he teases you about watching Come Dine
With Reality Tattooed Brides every week, ignore him – and keep watching
it. He wants to date an equal.
4. Try to make him jealous
Occasionally,
if you feel your man is losing interest in you, you might feel tempted
to make him a little bit jealous. Should you give in to this temptation?
Very, very cautiously. Truth is, if a man loves you, he will
automatically feel you’re pursued by other men all the time. He’ll think
you’re so beautiful that you can’t get on a bus without men circling
your seat like slavering wolves. So if you bring this to his attention
too obviously, he will think, “What’s she really trying to tell me
here?” He’ll see it as a game and it’ll irritate him. Imagine how you’d
feel if he came home from work saying, “Woah – the new PA just couldn’t
keep her eyes off me today!”
Instead, just look your very best and
keep your life as happy and busy as possible. Occasionally be busy at
weekends. Keep going out with the girls. Keep working-out at the gym. Go
away on holiday without him sometimes. Take every opportunity to meet
new people. Keep putting yourself in places where he’ll worry you’ll
meet someone better than him, and he’ll keep on his best behaviour
around you.
5. Over-reacting
Men like a
spirited, strong woman, that’s for sure. But they see “strong” in a very
specific way. To men, a strong woman is not the girl who shouts at him
every time he looks at another woman, lets rip when he comes home late
or lectures him on how he’s let her down. A real sign of strength is
poise – don’t let him see that he gets to you. He’ll be far more
concerned about losing you if you calmly and briefly tell him what’s
wrong and say you’ll see him again when he’s fixed it (then leave him
alone), than if you yell and threaten and cry but remain right by his
side. If you keep reacting emotionally, he’ll see you as out-of-control
and weak and he’ll retreat.
At all times, keep your eyes focussed on
your goals in life aside from him. Work, work out, see your friends. Do
this even when you want to be with him all the time – do it especially
when you want to be with him all day. Keep your life moving. Give him
space and freedom naturally by being happy in your own skin whether he’s
there or not. That’s when you’ll frighten him in the best way – that
one day you might disappear – and he’ll work to secure you forever.
