Being a professional counsellor I would say most of the problems I hear about are about relationships, no just just romantic relationships, but between family and friends. The root of these problems are simply caused by a lack of communication. Either because one or both parties are not expressing how they feel correctly or one or both parties are not listening correctly or misconstruing what has been said. If these problems are not resolved and dealt with quickly what what originally a mole hill will become a mountain. So I have devised a set of rules.
One No disagreement can ever be solved without dialogue, this applies not just to disagreements between friends etc. but also between warring nations. How can we ever expect to find common ground without knowing how the other party feels if we don't communicate. Everyone has feelings and opinions and we are all entitled to this. This does not mean we are right and the other party is wrong. .
Two Nothing will be solved without empathy and understanding for by understanding how the other party feels, we can see how we may appear to others, perhaps we have not realised how we have come across, especially if we did not mean this. So it is important to listen carefully equally it is important to state clearly and honestly how we feel but it is also important not to attach blame to the other party for equally they too may not understand how we feel therefore empathy and understanding need to take place between both sides.
Three Compromise I know for some its a dirty word, but when we love one another unconditionally we do so without judgement and we want those we love to be happy. This does not mean we should be a door mat and let the other party have their own way far from it if both parties are willing to discuss and following the first two rules about dialogue and empathy and understanding, you can reach a compromise naturally.
Four Never let the sun go down on an argument, old saying but a very true one, the longer you leave off dialogue the more resentment and grudges build up and fester. Even if it is late in the day when a row builds up both parties should agree to differ and keep a firm appointment to come back and negotiate their differences. Running away, sticking your head in a bucket of sand and trying to forget are never the answer, this eats away at your own soul. It's important to get closure so both parties can move on instead of dwelling on the past. Which leads me to this, stick to the one disagreement in hand, don't ever rake up the past, that should have been dealt with. You can never get the past back its gone forever, we can only learn from it and move on.
In any argument it's important to deal with the present and someone has to hold out the olive branch and if both parties have applied empathy and understanding, they will both feel the need for holding out the Olive branch. I have my own little saying when it comes to arguments and sides. 'There are three sides to an argument, what one party perceives to be true, what the other party perceives to be true and the truth and what really happened'.
We are on Earth to learn valuable life lessons, Empathy, Understanding, Compassion, Compromise, Forgiveness and loving each and every other Unconditionally without judgement. Until we realise and understand this the same scenarios in our life will replay over and over again. Spend a moment to ponder this and you will see your life change for the better.
